Apr 10, 2012

Congress is NOT interested in hearing from YOU

Often, I try to send emails directly to the offices of Congressmen and Senators who are not my direct representatives, and without fail, I find that the place where you enter what state you are from is almost always pre-set to the state they purport to represent.

I was under the impression that the people in Congress are elected first to serve our country and second to advocate for the particular interests of their state.  This is obviously not true.

Today, I tried to write to Senator Grassley to tell him I thought he made an error in calling one of the smartest men in the world “stupid” but I could only communicate if my state was “IA.”

So I have to tell him here:  Senator Grassley:  I was brought up to respect the President, my party or not, and to pay special respect to those older than me, which would include you, sir.

So, with all due respect (none, in this case)  I say to you:  you are a perfect example of why there should be term limits in Congress and quite possibly mandatory retirement.  Your zany use of twitter is beneath the office you allegedly serve in, and your disrespect for our President is appalling.  You owe him a public apology and someone should take away your phone.

Apr 6, 2012

Reince Priebus Stars in Kafka Novel

No war on caterpillars here

When the GOP announced that white white person Reince Priebus would be taking the place of white black person Michael Steele, we knew we had seen him somewhere before.

We were a bit thrown off by his name because it does not sound really white; rather it sounds like some kind of species, as in domain, kingdom, phylum, class, order, family, genus, SPECIES.  Basically the end of the line.  Any way you look at it, the name seems  altogether fake.

It turns out that Priebuses are nocturnal creatures, which accounts for why he is not as visible as Mr. Steele was (and still is).  This week he came out of the darkness to say, with a straight and uninteresting face, “If we talked about caterpillars, the Democrats would say we have a war on caterpillars.”

Why caterpillars?  Why not slugs?  What about termites?

The name Reince Priebus traces back to the beginning of time, when God made a last minute decision to create a species that could survive until the end of time.  He does not use his middle name, Reince the-alpha & omega Priebus, except on rare occasions.  Not surprising then, that Reince Priebus chose a caterpillar, a species that avoids  terminal ugliness by turning into a butterfly.  Jealousy, it seems, was his motivation.

Had it not been for Kafka’s friend Max Brod who saved Kafka’s writings from the trash heap, and changed a few words before publishing them, we would have read the first sentence about a salesman’s tribulations  in  The Metamorphosis as ” As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a giant reince priebus.”

Apr 5, 2012

Nikki Haley Bitter About Threat of Aging

“How Cute Am I?”

Although many of us were shocked when Nikki Haley announced that “women don’t care about contraception,” this intrepid reporter has discovered that her position is linked to her fear of aging.  “I am after all the youngest Governor in the country,” said Haley, “and I was President of my own company, Exotica International, whose theme is “Trust Exotica for timeless fashion.”

Haley has traded on her good looks to gain political prominence with the Tea Party and the likes of Sarah Palin, who is famous for declaring “you can see North Carolina from South Carolina.”

No liberal bastion, North Carolina is a paragon of the left compared to their clueless, toothless neighbors in South Carolina.  This is a State where people believed that their previous Governor had gone hiking in the Appalachians when he was in fact in a foreign land fooling around with a potential illegal immigrant.

Trying to avoid his mistakes, “Governor” Haley has taken a tough stand on illegal immigration.  She has also decided against using her given name, Nimrod, which is short for Nimrata.  Exactly how many South Carolinians know that she is of Indian (as in over there Indian) descent?

She is reputed to have had a number of affiairs (plausible denial).  She only has two children.  Are we to believe that she doesn’t care about contraception?

Apr 5, 2012

Ryan’s Roots Traced to Transylvania

This will kill them

An unnamed source tells us that a future edition of Henry Louis Gates’ PBS program Faces of America features republican radical Paul Ryan.  Ryan is alarmed to discover that his ancestry traces back to Dracula and the famous Bram Castle in Transylvania.

Professor Gates tries to calm Ryan by telling him that it couldn’t be worse than having your ancestry trace to another species, as is obvious in the countenance of Senate Minority Leader and human-turtle hybrid Mitch O’Connell. (as so aptly stated by Stephen Colbert).

After a break for a public service spot citing the American Red Cross’ urgent need for blood, Gates pointed out that Ryan’s unusually prominent widow’s peak is a “dead” give away to his Draculian ancestry.  At 42, Ryan looks remarkably young, another indicator that he is among the undead, which may account for his ability to deliver bad news while smiling.

Upon reflection,  Ryan concedes that red and black are his favorite colors, his nails grow remarkably fast and his size is perfect for that hooded cape hanging in his closet all these years.

Alert to all possibilities, Gates speculates that over the centuries Ryan’s ancestors  may have adapted to change; asking pointedly if Ryan’s now famous budget is geared to suck the blood out of an entire nation?






Mar 25, 2012

Dick Cheney has a heart. Really?

Self Explanatory

Does the family of the person whose heart went to Dick Cheney know where it went?

For me, this opens up a whole new arena in organ donation.  I may just have to destroy my driver’s license and get a new one which says “organ donor*”  .  The asterisk would indicate that donation of my organs was provisional — based on a number of things:  to be more specific:  Rick Santorum doesn’t get my heart; Rush Limbaugh doesn’t get my kidneys, liver or gall bladder (he has sufficient bile; no one could convince me otherwise); Barack Obama can have anything he wants.

You get the idea.  Giving your heart to Dick Cheney is right out of an Alfred Hitchcock movie.  Really?

In the first place, he is old.  He evidently waited 20 months to get a new heart; no barring preconditions here.  He’s rich.  He can afford it!  He probably has the same insurance he had when he was Vice President.

With the amount of money we taxpayers have paid for Dick Cheney’s bad health, we could have underwritten several aspects of Obamacare.  He’s never had a heart;  there was no reason to give him one now.

Gloria. Circa 1955.

Gloria. Circa 2012.

Other than working for the American Red Cross in Korea for two years, Gloria Garvey has lived in Hawai`i since 1971. Her opinion and other writing has appeared in: The American Philatelist. Honolulu Weekly, The Honolulu Advertiser, The Honolulu Star Bulletin, The Star Advertiser, Hawai`i Reporter, Pacific Business News, Island Scene, The Design Management Journal.

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